The fifth non-blog post. More thoughts on the not brushing the teeth thing.

I've found that it's important for me to get up and brush my teeth before my husband leaves for the day. If I don't do it while he's changing a diaper or snuggling with the Tiny before he leaves in the morning, I might catch myself hours later (like today) with furry teeth. It tends to be a triage situation if I delay it. Decisions must be made about the most important thing to do with any spare minutes of the day. Sometimes slamming some food together and shoving it in my face is more important. Or going to the bathroom for a #1 or a #2 is more important. Or sometimes I just blank out about all the things I need to do and I zone out for a few minutes while Mr. Emmett Miller is taking a nap, somehow fooling myself that nothing really needs to be done right now ("Except I really need to file my nails, that is clearly the most important thing!").

It's sort of the same thing with getting dressed. With the getting dressed thing we can apply the Oxygen Mask Principle from the emergency procedures on an airplane. The instruction for people flying with children is to put the oxygen mask on themselves first, then the child. If I don't get myself dressed before Emmett, we're pretty much doomed to stay in our pajamas all day.

As I write this, I still have unbrushed teeth. But at least my kid is wearing a really cute outfit.

Fourth non-blog post.

Things I have dropped and then picked up and eaten off my son while breastfeeding:

 - chunks of cracker

 - frosting

 - cookie crumbs

 - a chocolate sprinkle (this one landed in his ear)

 - spaghettie sauce

 - pretzels

 - jam

 - kale

 - Nutella

 - egg yolk

 - chicken teriyaki rice

 - lettuce

And this is where I stopped keeping track. I would be remiss to not mention that I also saw my husband drop several drops of salsa on him without realizing it, then he spotted the salsa but didn't know it was salsa, freaked out a little bit because it's red goo on our kid, then he smelled it, identified it as salsa, and proceeded to wipe it off and eat that, too.

 Basically our baby is a plate.

Third non-blog post.

I peed a little while riding a roller coaster recently. Not because I was nervous or even because I had to go very badly. It was just because…centrifugal force. :\ But, I got to ride a roller coaster! #notpregnant

Another non-blog post.

I just realized I didn't brush my teeth today.

First non-blog post.

I am not a blogger. So, clearly, this is not a blog. I'm not one of those women who works for a long time, then has a baby, then decides to stay home with that baby, then realizes she has way less contact with the outside world but way more thoughts than ever before, then turns to the internet to share those thoughts. (Yes I am.)

But while we're here, there are a few things I could share. (I wouldn't want to disappoint your choice to click on this non-blog.)

Such as -

That moment when you see your baby for the first time and it's like - THAT THING JUST CAME OUT OF MY BODY [THROUGH MY VVVVVVV]. Oh and also, rainbows and love and hearts and whatever.

S.l.e.e.p.D.e.p.r.i.v.a.t.i.o.n. It's a torture tactic for a reason.

Tiny person sucking on titty. Every two hours. Tiny titty sucker.

When the tiny person smiles and the whole universe is in alignment and there is nothing but goodness in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When that last tiny piece of nail polish from the pedicure you had before you gave birth finally chips off your big toe and now nothing, literally nothing, is as it was before your baby was born.

Trying on pre-pregnancy clothes WAY too soon. Wanna zip off my fat suit already!

You know that feeling of nakedness when you don't have your purse or wallet with you? Or maybe you leave your cell phone at home? Now I feel naked whenever I don't have a carseat, stroller, diaper bag, stroller blanket (it's a thing), white noise machine, swaddle blanket, extra swaddle blanket just in case (that's three blankets now), and a developmental toy available just in case the tiny decides to develop some brain cells while we're out and lest it be my fault he does not have that textured, patterned toy to help that brain crinkle crink!

Since this is not a blog it doesn't have to be wrapped up in a little bow with some meaningful conclusion. So…bye.