I've gotten breast milk on a lot of things - clothes, babies (well, one baby), wash clothes, towels, sheets. Also my cell phone and my face. That's right, my FACE. Straight from the boob. That's right, STRAIGHT FROM THE BOOB.
When pumping breast milk it's important to get every last drop because BREAST MILK. It's worth about one billion dollars per ounce. One of my favorite mamas was sharing with me her pumping experience and in her words she would "squeeze 'em like lemons" for those last few drops. I've adopted this technique because BREAST MILK.
Now. Did you know that the nipple is designed like a fancy shower head? I'm talking about those shower heads that have multiple holes for the water to come out and all the little holes go in different directions. So imagine squeezing a lemon with a spigot like that but the spigot is actually kind of like a water balloon consistency and then whoops squeezed too hard at the wrong spot and that thing just flips backwards and boom - got milk in yer eye. And whoops wrong angle - sprayed milk all over the table and now my phone is freckled as if I accidentally left it out by the bathroom sink when I was spraying hairspray. We are talking milk spraying from boobs. WHAT?! This is real life. Real. Life. I am a mammal, pushing humans (well, one human) from my body and then feeding said human special juice from my body to keep it alive so it will grow and learn and think and change the world and reverse global warming and end poverty and stop all the bad kids of trafficking (including the kind found on the 101 South please and thanks).
So, okay, I'll take some of my own human mammal milk from my boob in the eye. But ONLY if The Tiny is for sure going to fix the traffic on the 101.
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