Sixth.

Sleep training. The name of it sounds so strange. Don't babies just sleep whenever they need to? The answer is NO, person who has never had a baby, THEY DO NOT. And the luxury of having a giant swoop in and sway you to sleep whenever you jolly well please, Baby, is not going to last long.

Thirty-six hours into The Training we're working on a nap and THIS happens: I walk into the Tiny's room at the appropriate time during his wakeful protest, lean over the crib, say my script ("Emmett, it's time to go to sleep. Mommy's right outside. I love you."), and I feel his hot milk breath on my face as he wails. Poor guy. The eye contact was the worst part. Like he was saying, "WOMAN! PICK ME UP! HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL!" Those little glassy eyeballs begging for mercy.

It was sad for the next 2 minutes, at which point he stopped crying, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and fell asleep. He fell asleep, people! On his own! Where's the champagne. Where's the confetti poppers. Shh, no, not confetti poppers they'll wake him up.

What should I do now?! Laundry? Dishes? Clean the…ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz